


where i stand, is where i fall

by Jemima_Puddleduck



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Episode: s10e12 The Doctor Falls, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Heavy Angst, I hate myself, I'm probably a masochist, Missy Whump, Missy is good, probably not a fix-it tbh, the Doctor is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 11:37:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11873556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jemima_Puddleduck/pseuds/Jemima_Puddleduck
Summary: The Doctor goes back for her, just in case.





	where i stand, is where i fall

The Doctor stumbled around the TARDIS console, forcing back the golden glow from his fingers. The machine hummed impatiently as he flicked at her controls, he knew he should be regenerating by now. He gathered some purpose, and began to walk more forcefully, ignoring the aches and twinges that came with every step. 

_One last thing._ He told himself. _One last ride._

Of course he flew to her. He needed to see, he needed to know. Her name was the only thing going through his head. He remembered the longing in Missy's eyes before she'd walked away and some part of him still clung to the idea that possibly, maybe, she'd changed her mind. 

_That's the trouble with hope. It's hard to resist._

He felt like a fool, of course she was gone. She saw her chance and she'd taken it. The Master had been bad for over two millennia, why start being good now? Yet he kept on pushing. However much it hurt him, he needed to _see._

He piloted his machine expertly, landing on floor 507 on the first try. The explosion hadn't happened yet and the TARDIS was tucked safely away in small clump of trees and bushes. 

Suddenly, a familiar singsong voice drifted through the trees. The Doctor froze and his heart pounded like a frantic bird in a cage. Missy came sauntering into view, younger self at her side. The Doctor crouched low out of sight and watched them talk with bated breath. _Hoping. Always hoping._

As soon as he saw their embrace, his heart leapt to his throat. He watched the gentle flick of her pale wrist in the gloom and saw The Master's back stiffen with realisation. She pushed him into the lift, bleeding and broken, without ceremony. He caught a single sentence drifting towards him on the wind like birdsong. 

"It's time to stand with The Doctor." 

He gasped softly, not loud enough to be heard, and watched his friend with awe. She did mean to stand with him. Relief flooded over him in waves. She was the person he knew after all. He let out a shaky breath and realised he was crying. He wiped away the tears with a certain fondness. He had his old friend back for good. 

Suddenly, another gut wrenching thought twisted sharply through his mind. Missy would have had enough time to come back to him. So why didn't she?

A burst of gold. A flash of purple. A screaming laugh.

The Doctor felt like he was blind all over again. He may have been screaming out loud, but he couldn't tell. His legs failed him as he tried to blindly stumble towards his friend and he fell, sinking his shaking palms into the wet leaves and dirt. He clawed at the ground with desperate fingers and struggled to stand, walking the rest of the way on shuddering legs. 

"Missy!" He screamed, the word torn violently from his throat. He sounded broken and crazed, with her name leaving his lips over and over. He saw her lying ahead of him, a brilliant pool of purple among the dank greens and browns of the forest. She looked peaceful, serene. She was lying splayed out across the mud and he tried hard not to think about all those times he'd walked into the vault to find her sleeping like that. 

He finally collapsed next to her, his knees giving way. He pawed at her unconscious form desperately, his fingers stuttering over her signature purple coat. She opened her brilliant blue eyes and blinked up at him. The Doctor felt the wind knocked out of his chest at the sight of her twinkling eyes brimming with tears. He opened his mouth, but couldn't find the words and simply caressed her damp cheek with his calloused fingers. 

"I came back." She choked out. More tears escaped and slipped down her cheeks. 

"You did. I'm so proud of you." The Doctor whispered almost inaudibly. "My Koschei." 

Missy smiled as she cried, seemingly contented. The Doctor smiled back and she suddenly let out a small whine of pain. Her hands flailed uselessly at her sides, unable to stop the agony. The Doctor gripped her tighter, the heavy wool fabric a comforting weight in his fist. 

"Shh. It's okay." He said pitifully, reaching up to stroke a hand through her crazed black curls. She squeaked in pain once more and let out a laboured sigh. Her breaths were stuttering in her throat and The Doctor knew they didn't have long. He pressed his free hand to her chest, letting the fading thump of her two hearts ground him as he thought of what to say. 

"We were going to see the stars, you and me." Missy gasped out between breaths. Her chest heaved with effort and The Doctor could see the pain in her eyes. Not just from her injuries, but from the loss of a perfect future that would never be.

"I remember. We promised we'd see every single one." The Doctor spoke softly, comforting her. "I'll always remember that day, out in the meadows of red grass, under the trees with the silver leaves. Oh how we ran." 

Missy let out a small sob, wether from pain or pure emotion The Doctor couldn't tell. He cupped her face softly in his hands and let her into his head. He'd always miss that, her mind entwined with his, the scent of lavender and bursts of lilac filling his vision. He sent her a memory, one of the sweetest. Two boys running hand in hand, dancing and laughing under the golden sky. The silver leaves glittered as they swayed on the branches and the deep red grass reached up to their waists, brushing their entwined fingers as they hurtled forwards together. The sound of children's laughter filled their heads and Missy sighed softly. The Doctor withdrew, leaving her with the bittersweet image of happier times and a sated smile on her face. 

"I'm loosing it. I can feel it." She told him quietly, a sense of panic lacing her words.

"It's alright. I've got you. I've always got you. Shh. It's okay." He comforted, thumbing more tears away from her cheeks. 

"Without hope, without witness, without reward; I am your friend." She whispered between heaving breaths. 

"My best friend. Always. Koschei." He whispered in return. She smiled softly at him one last time and closed her eyes. The Doctor felt her hearts give out under his fingers and her chest stilled. He quickly lost all sense, shouting and sobbing as he clutched her close. He lost track of how long he sat there, knees sinking into the mud. The golden light pooling around his hands once more brought him back to the present. He didn't have enough energy to take her back to the TARDIS, and the whole floor was about to explode. He decided to leave her where she was. 

She fell where she stood, and it was beautiful.


End file.
